Dear Reader,

A couple of weeks ago I sat down with my life partner, his dearest friends, and their wives for Rosh Hashanah dinner. I’m not Jewish, but he is, and so for the past few years we’ve gathered with his friends to celebrate the Jewish New Year.

This year, the Friday of Rosh Hashanah was also 9/11. We usually go to a service in the park for the holiday. Instead, this year, we visited his parents at their home. His father was at the site when the towers came down on 9/11. He was able to take shelter, and in the days and weeks after, he helped restore the phone lines in lower Manhattan. His dad doesn’t like to talk about that day, but even if dad won't talk, my partner likes to at least visit him, sit together, spend time. So off we went.

The 25th anniversary of 9/11 brought up a lot of emotion and reflection, as that day always does. I grew up outside New York City. I remember watching the towers fall in real time on the TV at my high school. I remember the smell of the smoke, evacuating school, and holding my friend in the parking lot as she tried to take in the idea that her dad was never coming home.

That same day, my future partner didn’t know if his dad was coming home either. Thankfully, he did.

So the Friday of Rosh Hashanah this year was heavy and meaningful for multiple reasons. It was a day for reflection, and most of all, a day for connection.

The value of the people in our lives isn’t something we want to only recognize once they’re gone; whatever the reason they leave our lives.

After we visited his mom and dad, we made our way to dinner at his friend's house. Around the Rosh Hashanah table, we all reflected on 9/11, shared our stories, talked about the impact. As dinner came to a close, our host asked each of us to answer one question:

What does happiness look like one year from now?

He asked us to write it down, seal it in an envelope, and bring it to next year’s dinner.

“We’ll open them together,” he said. "It’s a way to reflect on where we are and where we’d like to be. It’s also a bond and a commitment that we will all be together again next year."

And, he said, it puts positive thoughts into the universe.

I loved this, and I wanted to share it with you.

What will you need to keep top of mind, as you go through your days, to make that one-year vision your life?

Is what you’re doing now in service of that vision? How, and how not?

If you’re in an affair, on any side of it, this question matters even more. Limbo has a way of taking next year off the table. The envelope only has something workable in it once you decide to do the work on yourself.​

There’s nothing more important in life than love, commitment, and connection. First we love ourselves, commit to ourselves, and connect to ourselves. Only then can we truly and freely give that to the people around us.

Hit reply and tell me what your envelope would say. I read every reply.

Until next week, I'm sending you all my love and support, as always,

Lauren

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