Dear Reader, I’m writing this from my desk between sessions, thinking about two phrases I hear in my work all the time; and about how only in the unique dynamic of an affair can these two things exist side by side. From unfaithful spouses who feel stuck, I hear: “My affair partner is my best friend.” And yet, in other parts of my work, I often hear the emotional side dismissed entirely: “It was just emotional.” Both can’t be true. An emotional bond can’t be the deepest attachment in someone’s...
8 days ago • 4 min read
This week’s letter comes from our Senior Coach, Michelle Leon. Michelle has helped hundreds of our clients, on all sides of an affair, come out changed the other side. Her private work has been praised by clients as "more valuable than any therapy I've ever had" and "worth more in one hour than I achieved in months with someone else." I'm lucky to have her on this team, and every client she's met with would tell you the same. - Lauren Dear Reader, Lauren and I have a lot of clients walk...
15 days ago • 4 min read
Dear Reader, I’m writing this to you in the space between two very full parts of life recently. Behind me are two days of live teaching, directly to therapists, for seven hours each day. Ahead of me are two suitcases that need packing, because next week my daughter and I fly to Paris and London — just the two of us — and I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I want to tell you why those two things belong in the same letter. For two days last week, I taught therapists how to walk their...
22 days ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, Let's talk about things that aren't in your control. Because if you're impacted by infidelity, on any side, you know just how confronting the lack of control is. If you're the spouse in the affair, you may be trying to control everything -- whether your affair partner is willing to keep waiting, whether your spouse discovers what's happening before you're ready to deal with it, or whether you lose precious parts of your family unit if you leave. You may want to control the...
29 days ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, People have a way of coming into our life sometimes when we need them the most. We need the lesson, we need the support, we need the wake up or the shake up. Are they meant to stay, meant to teach us something, or both?This past week I was out for a run and ran past my pandemic boyfriend, who was out on the adjacent golf course. We recognized each other at exactly the same moment and waved. That was all. No follow up text, no other acknowledgement. We've both been in committed...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, Last week I was in Nashville for my quarterly meetings with my mentor. I left the CT shore on Tuesday afternoon, beelined for Franklin, TN as usual, and was back by Thursday night. But the version of me that left on Tuesday and the version of me that came back on Thursday were two different versions. That's what I want to talk to you about today. While I was there, I got deeper into my mentor's way of thinking and approaching things, so that I can maximize my impact while...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, I’m writing this from my desk, with a copy of Beyond Infidelity on the shelf beside me. It's wild how that book came into the world. A few years ago, it didn't exist, and neither did the version of me who could have written it. I’ve been thinking this week about what it actually took to get from there to here; and about the tension I lived inside for a long time before anything changed for me. I want to tell you about it. It was March 2023. I'd been feeling a pull inside myself...
about 2 months ago • 5 min read
Dear Reader, If you're in the US, I hope you had a safe and celebratory 4th of July weekend. I spent mine with loved ones here at the CT shore, where we had golf-cart parades and panoramic fireworks over the water. Everyone ended up fleeing in the dark when a microburst storm came on fast! Sand was flying, rain was sideways in torrents, branches were falling, and everyone was running everywhere, drenched. What a bizarre end to the night! I felt like Liesl from The Sound of Music when she...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
Hi there,I'll share a quick and funny little vignette about my home life before we launch into more serious territory! I live in a small beach house on the Connecticut coast, and my neighborhood comes alive in the summer with walkers, bikers, runners, and all the summer people out and about. I live on a u-shaped street, on the rounded corner, which means my entire house is a fish-bowl. People walk by all day, it's nice because it's never lonely. It can also be awkward because there's no...
2 months ago • 6 min read