Dear Reader,

I’m writing this to you in the space between two very full parts of life recently. Behind me are two days of live teaching, directly to therapists, for seven hours each day. Ahead of me are two suitcases that need packing, because next week my daughter and I fly to Paris and London — just the two of us — and I am so excited I can hardly stand it.

I want to tell you why those two things belong in the same letter.

For two days last week, I taught therapists how to walk their clients through betrayal — step by step, from the crisis all the way into a version of themselves that’s stronger and wiser than they ever could have imagined. The questions the therapists asked kept circling the interrelated parts of the triangle: the unfaithful spouse, the affair partner, the betrayed.

That’s exactly why I was commanding that room. You can’t meaningfully help people heal from an affair if you only understand one side of it.

Those two days were like like teaching Beyond Infidelity times a thousand — live, for hours, and at a clinical level.

I walked away from each of those two days feeling both empowered and grateful. It's only because I gained a depth and breadth of knowledge for myself that could I improve the lives of my clients exponentially, then impact the boots-on-the-ground practices of other therapists for the better, too.

And then I started packing for Paris.

Last week I shared a carousel on Instagram that resonated with many of you: it was about how my life after everything blew up because of an affair looks nothing like the life I thought I’d have. It's so much bigger than I ever thought it would be. And here’s the part I want to say more clearly to you today — my world got smaller before it got bigger.

That’s not a detour on this road. That is the road. You don’t get through an affair — from any side of it — without losing life as you knew it first. The rebuild comes after.

And what you build back can be better than what you were holding onto. I’m the testament: the live training for therapists, the book, the trip with my daughter.

None of it existed in the life I was bracing to keep.

Here’s what I know about you, if you’re reading this from inside the middle of it.

When you’re living a life where you can’t express the fullest, truest version of yourself — when part of you lives in a text thread no one can see, when you’ve had the “I’m unhappy” talk that changed nothing, when you’re split in two just to keep everything standing — you’re playing small.

Not because something is wrong with you. Because no one can live fully in halves. A split life is not a whole life.

And I don’t mean “the life you want” as an abstraction. I mean: booking the trip with your kid and being all the way there for it, being present, without the distractions and anxiety. Sitting at dinner without managing a second life in your pocket. Making a decision and having it be unwavering six months later. Hearing your own judgment again and actually trusting it. That life.

That’s the work we do every single day — and it’s exactly what The Decision-Making Method is for: the moment you stop straddling two lives and commit fully to one. Whichever one you choose, you get to be whole inside it.

If that’s where you are, start there. Wherever you are — start somewhere. Your world may need to get smaller first. It’s still the road to bigger.

And one more thing: next week you’ll get a special letter, so keep an eye out for it next Tuesday. I'm really excited for that, too!

If this landed for you, hit reply and tell me where you are. One line is enough to help shape this work more than you know. I read every reply, and even though I can’t respond to each one, hearing from you impacts my work and my world.

Until next week,

Lauren

P.S. — Someone recently emailed to say these letters feel like a warm extension of the direct work I used to do in my private coaching memberships — like staying in touch, and gaining the value of that closeness. I loved that so much. And remember: we also see clients every day. You’re not alone in this.

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