Dear Reader,

If you're in the US, I hope you had a safe and celebratory 4th of July weekend. I spent mine with loved ones here at the CT shore, where we had golf-cart parades and panoramic fireworks over the water. Everyone ended up fleeing in the dark when a microburst storm came on fast! Sand was flying, rain was sideways in torrents, branches were falling, and everyone was running everywhere, drenched. What a bizarre end to the night! I felt like Liesl from The Sound of Music when she snuck out of the house and got caught in a storm.

I truly enjoy writing this newsletter as a way of keeping in touch with you directly; it's really special to me. Last week, I shared my thoughts on how important it is to invest in your own growth, learning, and inner work. It had me thinking a lot about my two membership communities: Thrive, for betrayed spouses, and Align, for people who'd been in an affair. I closed the memberships after a year-plus of running them, and they were truly magical while they were open. I've heard from a lot of previous members in response to these newsletters, and I've loved that.

Inside those memberships, people said yes to doing the work. They showed up in monthly coaching to offer support to each other, ask vulnerable questions, and share their stories. Inside those rooms, the real experience of affairs was clear.

Many weeks, in the betrayed spouse group, there were more men on our coaching calls than women. What a cathartic thing for so many of them to realize there were other men, of all ages, also struggling with betrayal. It was incredible to watch them offer each other camaraderie, support, and encouragement, all while showing up vulnerably, honestly, and courageously.

We had members who shared what it was like to stay in their marriages after infidelity. We had members who were struggling with being alone for the first time, and who shared their journeys of self-growth and actually reveled in it. We had one member who showed up every week and listened in, then by the end revealed herself to be far from the version she'd first shown up as. She couldn't imagine going back to who she was before. We had another who consistently offered insight to those wondering what it looked like to stay in a marriage without losing yourself, compromising your values, or accepting less than you deserve. What a treasured resource she was (and is!) That space gave me chills. I was simply honored to bear witness and to be part of bringing it together.

Inside Align, affair partners could help unfaithful spouses see what their experience was like, and unfaithful spouses helped affair partners understand the honest fears and hesitations behind the decisions at hand. Members in that group devoured the content of The Decision-Making Method, calling it essential work for anyone in an affair who wants to not only get unstuck, but to become their next-level version who can actually commit to their choices from the inside. Honestly, that group was amazing. They encouraged each other forward, they shared their struggles, they empathized with each other while also holding themselves accountable. They showed up with humility and a desire to do the right thing in the aftermath of choices that had presented a variety of truly difficult, and often-times grief-inducing, consequences.

Even though the memberships are closed, the work is still worthy, and it's always there.

A life well lived is a life of constant discernment. It's a discernment only each of us can do for ourselves, and with ourselves.

It may be painful at times, but the examined life is the life worth living. The unexamined life is just pain that comes later; the examined life is where we meet the moment with courage and curiosity. We all deserve that.

My life post-betrayal and divorce has been full of personal investment. It's what I credit for my ability to show up now the way I do. I invest thousands per month in private coaching, group coaching, therapy, self-development, and learning. And I have zero regrets or hesitation. I am in charge of my growth, and it's worth every penny. It's on me if I don't choose to invest in myself; the alternative is spinning my wheels, wasting more time and money struggling unnecessarily.

And the same is true for you. The memberships are closed, but the invitation underneath them remained: to say yes to your own work, whatever that looks like this week. Maybe it's one coaching call. One honest conversation. Re-opening a resource you bought but never looked at.
​
Every small shift isn't small; it's the whole shape of a life you're choosing on purpose.

So here's what I'll leave you with: where are you waiting for the work to feel easier before you begin it? You don't have to wait. You, and the people you love the most, deserve a life you've actually examined and chosen.

Until next week, with all my love and support,

Lauren

P.S. — For anyone in an affair, The Decision-Making Method is the work my Align members devoured; not to tell you which way to go, but to help you get clear enough to commit to your choice from the inside. The link is here whenever you're ready.​

​Unsubscribe | Update your profile | 600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2246