Dear Reader,
​
If you're in the States, I hope you had a restful and enjoyable Labor Day weekend. This letter is going to be shorter than some, because like most of you, I'm coming off a long weekend and rubbing my eyes asking, "where did summer go?" and "my brain needs to catch up to the calendar."
​
This weekend I spent stepping away from work, enjoying the gorgeous expanse of low tide in the beach community where I live, and asking myself some important deeper questions about how to unlock the personal growth I'm currently seeking. You know, the light stuff.

Our growth is always already there, and it's usually in plain sight. All of us have a bias to see the same things we tend to notice over and over and miss the rest. We do the same things over and over, and wonder why things aren't different. Since I know each of us has that tendency, I'm trying to catch myself doing that.
​
But over dinner with dear friends Sunday night in nearby Mystic, Connecticut, I was asked how writing 'Beyond Infidelity' has changed my life. I brushed off the question. "Oh, not much, I'm just glad the book is out in the world for others who need it as much as I once did." ​
​
Then, my partner pushed back. "It's changed your whole life," he said. And I realized I don't tend to think about how much progress I've made because I'm always looking forward. I'm in the gap, and not the gain, as some might say. Can you relate?
​​
The truth is that he's right. My entire life changed because I wrote that book. But it didn't change with the book's publication, it changed before that. Why? Because I became the person who decided to write the book, and that changed me by necessity.
​
Most of us need to make a decision, then reverse engineer how to get there. Instead, we think that knowing how to get there needs to come before the decision. It doesn't.
​
That's what I did with writing 'Beyond Infidelity'. I decided the book would be published one way or another, then set about figuring out how that happens. I didn't know how. Like, big, fat, no idea how in the faintest sense of it. I just knew that it would.
​
Like a dog with a bone, I researched, I opened the books on my own bookshelf from Brene Brown, Nedra Glover Tawaab, and others, and looked at the imprints that published their books. "How did they get there?" I wondered, then, "How the hell do you get a literary agent if you're just sitting in your living room and nobody knows about you?"
​
I promised myself to do one thing every single day, no matter how small, toward making the book a reality. That one thing every single day, day after day, turned into a following on Instagram, then signing with a literary agent, then writing a book proposal, then having it turned down by an entire first round of submissions, then going for a second round of submissions, then signing a big-ol' life-changing deal with Penguin Random House, then setting about writing the actual book.
​
I didn't know how to do any of it. I bet on myself, then reverse engineered my way to the outcome.
​
That's how I do most things I want in life. I see the outcome like a vision in my mind. And once I see it, I can't unsee it.
​
So I'm going to ask you now: What about you?​
​
What do you do when you decide to do something so important to you, that you can't imagine not having it, arriving there, doing it, or achieving it?
​
I'm going guess it requires a combination of faith + hard work. Believing something before you see it. Then going for it.
​
I tell my clients in private coaching, too, to reverse engineer the outcome they're already holding in their heart and mind as the capital-T truth (we usually know what it is, we're just terrified).
​
This week, I want you to make a decision for yourself. It's private to you, or you can email me back and tell me what it is to feel more accountable (I'd actually love that!)
​
Then I want you to forget everything else, all the fears, the what-if's, the bullshit between your ears that wants to keep you the same, and I want you to make that decision your north star.
​
Deal?
​
Wait, this letter didn't end up being much shorter than usual. Well, it's because I love you and so enjoy talking to you about these things!
​
What I actually meant to do was share that I've been on a podcast tour to talk about 'Beyond Infidelity' and the work that I do here. It's been great fun, and I want to make sure I share a few episodes with you here, so you can start jump-start your own mindset with some of the gold-nuggets from the podcast conversations I've had.
​
​'Once a cheater, sometimes a cheater' on The Love Drive​
​
​'How to Heal After Infidelity' on The Heal Your Heartbreak Podcast​

​'Beyond Betrayal: How Psychotherapist Lauren LaRusso is Changing the Conversation Around Infidelity' with Jules Schroeder​
​
​An interview with Lauren LaRusso on Tell Me How You're Mighty​
​
I hope these conversations help you expand your thoughts, forget yourself for a while, and bring you new ideas for your own progress and healing.
​
As always, you're not alone, and you're not meant to go through this or handle it on your own.
​
With love,

Lauren

​Unsubscribe | Update your profile | 600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2246